Giving Up and Giving In

Giving up and giving in. That phrase has been running through my head for weeks. Is that what I’m doing? Giving up all of those parts of myself I’ve stifled for so long, giving into the goodness of the universe, and in return have been overwhelmingly showered in reward. All that I needed to do was allow that power in, and I have the power to wield it.

Why was I so scared to come out? Of course, it was mostly how I thought my family would react. But I think it was also that I was scared to be happy. I was so familiar with unhappiness, so comfortable with it, that I was unable to feel anything else. But the floodgates have been opened. Something has crossed over in me and I feel as though I have grown in years in the past couple months. Funny how having the courage to be yourself is one of our greatest strengths.

I am allowing myself to be the warm, open, compassionate, loyal, loving person that I know has always been there, but surrounded by walls covered with spikes. And it’s amazing seeing what doors are opening. To me, it embodies those RK lines, “When your heart was open wide, and you loved things just because…And sometimes when you’re on, you’re really fucking on and your friends they sing along and they love you.” And while we’re on the subject of friends, I love and appreciate all the support they’ve given throughout my little metamorphosis. I return it two-fold.